"AND MAY A FLOCK OF ANGELS SING THEE TO THY REST"
In a disturbing report, it has been reported that a 46-year old male human has lost a CD of Rod Stewart's Greatest Hits (Universal Music, £8.99 RRP) after he attempted to play it in his Wii console, I am sad to report. The male, Timothy Fidgets, claimed "it was me and my wife's wedding anniversary, and per tradition she bought another Rod Stewart compilation album as a gift for the sixth f***ing year in a row, and as such it felt necessary to give ol' Roddy another go on the record player". However, tragic struck when Fidgets remembered how "my wife recently sold off our old JVC CD player to St. Bart's Home for the Deaf to fund her Zumba classes, and so as to not ruin the mood I hoped our Wii would do the job", and so in an act of excruciating ignorance and ineptitude Fidgets put the disc in only for the console to swallow it up whole like an anthropomorphic machine. Their marriage has yet to recover from the incident; Timothy told BFTGD that "since the Event my life has taken a downward turn; my wife won't talk to me and our Wii has lost its resale value. It's ironic, to think, that a console that gave us so little besides Big Brain Academy and the odd game of Ninjabread Man has taken so much from us"; Rod Stewart was unable to comment at this time.
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